I’ve been meditating an hour each day (save a few) for almost 3 years now.

I started in an effort to alleviate the anxiety of being a solo founder with a fresh heartbeak. Two weeks in, I’d quit my daily anxiety meds cold turkey (not medical advice), though the heartbreak took a little longer to soothe. The meditation style I’d found felt - dare I say, easy? - so I kept at it.

A couple years later, my entire life balanced on stilts: grandma was dying so I put everything on hold to care for her full time back in my home town. My startup was on life support, threatening my US visa just as I was falling in love with an American. I was running out of money and living in my uncle’s backyard bunkie. 

And yet, I felt okay. Maybe even happy. I sat in that bunkie and meditated for my hour each day. It gave me a calm that turned me into the rock my family needed as grandma left us. And later, the stability to rebuild my life upon. Meditation has held me through the worst times, and at all other times it has put my life into full bloom.

There are a lot of meditation styles out there, and I’ve tried about all of them. I find most too difficult and boring. An hour daily practice has only been possible because of this easier method I stumbled upon.

It goes like this: if you're sitting with your eyes closed and no distractions, you're meditating. That's it. No trying to control your thoughts (futile), no trying to empty your mind (impossible).

If you were curious about trying, here's what I would say: 

What’s the point of meditation? 

If your life is lived within the experience of your mind, then your experience of life depends on the quality of your mind. So, what kind of mind do you want to create? 

That’s what meditation does. It gives us a choice in what kind of mind we want to have, and in doing so, what kind of life.

Different teachers will tell you meditation is for different things. 

A Buddhist Zen teacher would tell you that it is for creating a strong and calm mind. That this gives you choice in what to think about, and so the freedom to choose how you react to things, too. 

A Vipassana teacher would tell you meditation trains your brain to accept reality. To be with what is, exactly as it is. That suffering comes from fighting reality, and so when you accept things as they are you free yourself from that suffering.

A Shaktipat teacher (this is the kind I practice) says meditation is for enjoying your true nature. That in meditation we practice surrender by allowing whatever comes through.

Guruji (the Indian guru who proselytizes this technique) says "meditation is watering your roots. If you forget about a tree’s roots, all other effort is futile. But when the root is happy, the plant is automatically happy." Same for humans.

All of these point to the same end goal: we meditate to create a state of permanent happiness and peace. The kind that comes from inside and persists independent of what’s happening around us.

My take: meditation is for getting to know yourself more deeply. It is your time with you. 

What will happen if I try?  

If you’re like most people, you will sit down to meditate believing you’re here to control your thoughts, but instead you will meet your true self, maybe for the first time. 

Meditation requires some courage, because it asks you: are you willing to be in this moment with yourself? If you are, there may be pain to face. And if there is, you may need to walk through that fire. 

For this reason, it can initially feel hard to sit with yourself and be with your thoughts. It does get easier over time. And the rewards are immense if you can stomach the initial discomfort. 

Meditation is a practice of Being instead of Doing. Which is why overachievers may resist it at first — we know how to Do and like the points that come from it. But have the confidence in yourself to Be, just for a little.

Once you’ve been quiet a while, you might notice your intuition start whispering to you. Maybe in a way it hasn’t been able to before, given how Busy you are. But now that you are here and listening, you notice it is louder than usual and carries what sounds an awful lot like wisdom.

Some people call their intuition a soul. Or a cosmic antenna, receiving messages directly from the Universe. Others say it is your subconscious. It doesn’t really matter what you call it, because the result is the same: it will bring you to truth. 

As your intuition gets louder, and you quieter, the real magic starts to happen. You’ll notice that answers to previously complex problems greet you with ease. You suddenly know exactly how to respond to the email that’s been collecting dust in your inbox. You start getting your best ideas in meditation. Incredible clarity, too: words to be said, actions to be taken, things to do (or not do). 

It’s exhilarating when the strokes of insight land, but it is not like this all the time, so try not to become attached. Most of the time you’ll get up from your meditation thinking and feeling nothing other than “everything will be fine.” Which is not such a paltry reward, if you ask me. 

Being able to sit quietly with yourself will take the wind out of many fears. Over time, you will automatically feel less anxious as you realize there is nothing to fear in this moment. That everything you’re worried about has passed or is happening in some imagined future. Meditation creates more space for you to process what needs processing, letting you come out calmer on the other side.

As meditating brings you closer and closer to yourself, you will feel more settled. As a result, you will be less interested in creating or participating in dramas that previously roused you. You may become more introverted and selective about how and with whom you spend your time. Try not to mourn this; your internal world is blossoming, now that it knows you’re here and interested. The true you is coming online. 

You will likely notice you’ve become happier. Calmer. More present. Easier to be around. Your friends might start calling you for your grounding presence or wisdom. They want to tap into your intuition since they can’t yet hear their own. 

How do I meditate in this way?

If you’ve tried meditating before, perhaps you sat down in earnest to “calm your thoughts” or “empty your mind.” Maybe you were scared off by the thoughts that greeted you. 

We’re going to do something different this time: you will meditate with your heart, not your mind. Don’t worry, you’ll notice the difference when you try it. 

Sit somewhere you can get comfortable for an hour. Let the only rule be that you stay sitting for this time with no distractions. Instead of trying to clear the mind, try to create a clearing for whatever wants to come through. Thoughts, feelings, movements — all of it is welcome.

You must begin with realistic expectations. The cacophony in your brain is normal. The trick is not to follow it down the rabbit hole. Don’t try to control the mind. You can’t, anyway. Instead, watch with curiosity what it shows you in just the way you would watch a movie. At first it may feel like sweet torture to be with your own thoughts. After all, that’s probably why you’ve been avoiding this exercise. All the more reason to stay.

If you fall asleep, that’s okay. Your body probably needed it. If you tend to refuse rest, your body may take advantage of your willingness to be still for a while. 

Don’t worry about being perfectly still, either. Readjust when you need to. If you want to sprawl or lay or stand, follow the little sparkle inside you giving nudges about what it wants (hint: this is the trick to a golden life, but that’s wisdom for another day). 

If you want to start tapping into your own wisdom, ask your intuition what it would like you to know, or whether it has any messages for you. This requires getting very patient, and maybe even suspending what you think you know so that your deepest intuition feels safe to share. This is where clarity, surprise, and inspiration grow. 

Really try to do one hour. If you can’t do an hour, then do half. And if you can’t do half, do fifteen minutes. The trick is to just start sitting, and then to do it every day because reps matter here, just like everything else you practice. Which is a good reminder - this a practice. So go easy on yourself as you build your ability.

Now that you’ve been sitting and watching your thoughts and squirming for while, you might start judging some meditations as good and others as bad. There is no bad meditation, though. Any day you sit is a good day. Any sit is a good sit. 

Eventually, after months or years, the thoughts will calm more quickly all on their own. It will not feel so difficult to sit with yourself. You might actually start to enjoy it. Maybe even look forward to it.

You will notice that with your roots watered, the world will move around you while you become increasingly unflappable. Its winds will shake your branches and try to shed your leaves. But you will remain strong. 

Happy sitting,

Alyssa